our thoughts

continuous feedback : everyone is your mirror
12 February 2014



“We have to confront ourselves. Do we like what we see in the mirror? And, according to our light, according to our understanding, according to our courage, we will have to say yea or nay – and rise!”

Maya Angelou

In previous posts, we explored what the concept of projection means and how we might reclaim our projections when engaging with other people. In this post, we take this concept a stage further and make an even simpler and potentially more radical statement about our interactions with others:

Every single person in your life acts as your mirror.

What does this actually mean?

It means that other people are simply reflecting those parts of your consciousness back to you, giving you an opportunity to really see yourself as others see you and ultimately enabling you to make different choices. The qualities you most admire in others are your own and the same goes for those qualities you dislike.

In every interaction, you will be receiving continuous feedback about how you are ‘showing up’. All you have to observe is how you think and feel about the other person as you continue to engage with them. If you notice you are starting to judge them, getting annoyed or bored, or becoming captivated . . . these are all pieces of information that you can use as feedback on how they might be experiencing you.

When you see faults in others you can use this as an opportunity for self reflection. If you think someone is arrogant, examine your own ego, if you feel someone is being unkind examine your level of kindness, compassion and empathy. If your friend’s judgmental nature bothers you,  think about how you judge other people.

Being able to fully accept the reality that this statement brings can lead to some powerful and profound changes in how you interact with others. In order for you to ‘change’ anything in any of your relationships, all you need to do is be the change you want to see. For example, if you want someone to trust you, trust them . . . if you want someone to be influenced by you, be influenced by them . . .

To be as effective as possible in the world, always look at people in a positive light. If this becomes difficult, use your awareness as an opportunity to examine your self.


further resources

The following resources provide further reading, insights and exercises you can try out.

www.chabad.org  – The mirror theory – how to handle impossible people

healing.about.comAbout mirroring – what are our mirror reflections trying to teach us?

www.mind-your-reality.comEveryone is your mirror – the greatest relationship secret

www.psychologytoday.comAre other people your mirror?

personal accountability : reclaiming our projections
12 February 2014


“Personal accountability is the life-giver, the thing that fills the soul with esteem and repairs it from the inside out.”

- Amy Larson


In the last post, we learned how we project thoughts and feelings onto other people in order to avoid feeling anxiety. One consequence of these projections is that we are constantly shrouding the other person with our fantasies and never see them as they actually are. This limits the amount of real contact we have with them and is the source of much misunderstanding in our world. Exploring the projections that you habitually make onto other people can be a very useful process in developing a more direct and authentic way of relating to others. …..read more

distorting reality : understanding projection
12 February 2014

Distorted Reality

“Our brain is mapping the world. Often that map is distorted, but it’s a map with constant immediate sensory input.”  

-  E. O. Wilson


One of our defining human characteristics is our ability to protect ourselves when we experience pain or fear. Whilst this feature has undoubtedly served us incredibly well in many situations, it is something which often distorts our ability to experience things as they actually are. …..read more